I didn't need to wait for the credits to figure out that this awful episode was written by Berman and Braga. A poor retelling of a TOS episode, "Precious Cargo" is yet another juvenile wet dream in which the man-boy, Tucker, "tames" the haughty but oh so sexy princess whom he purportedly rescues from her fate.
The plot is thin and, frankly, ridiculous. Two kidnappers send out a distress signal to find someone to help them repair a malfunctioning cryopod. Their hope: that whoever comes to their aid fixes the contraption without realizing that the woman in the pod is actually a kidnapped princess. I wish I could say that Tucker is smart enough to figure it all out but, no, he's actually so inept in rendering aid that he causes the pod to break down completely.
Meanwhile, these not-so-bright aliens decide they can leave Tucker alone on their ship with their priceless hostage while they enjoy a shower and a nice meal aboard Enterprise. When they realize the pod has opened, one of the aliens returns to his ship, knocks Tucker out, and attempts to flee. He manages to cripple Enterprise -- note, the alien can't maintain the equipment on his own ship but he is completely able to disable Enterprise in mere seconds -- and make his escape, leaving his comrade behind with Archer and the crew.
At this point, it gets silly. Or even sillier. Faced with an uncooperative prisoner, Archer and T'Pol stage a ridiculous fake trial (with T'Pol playing acting the judge and executioner, lying continually throughout) to frighten the alien into helping. Meanwhile, the second alien decides it's wise to leave a trained engineer, untied and unsupervised, in the hold of his ship, with the now conscious princess, while he... well, we're not sure what he does because, as we find out later, his ship doesn't really need him to operate it.
The princess has just emerged from several months in suspended animation, yet shows absolutely no ill effects. The pod fails and she basically leaps out, ready for a fight. Even Khan and his genetically enhanced crew had to do some stretching after they emerged from their pods on the Botany Bay!
The princess, played awkwardly by some unknown actress I can't even be bothered to identify, and Tucker carry out the usual royalty-commoner flirtation as Tucker decides, inexplicably, that they should find an escape pod and flee the alien ship. Remember, he is the chief engineer, he has access to all of the alien ship's controls and equipment (including its internal sensors), he has a universal translator and he has a physically imposing colleague who has proven herself pretty handy with a spanner. And, from what he can see, there is only one fairly inept alien on the ship.
Why he doesn't simply use the handy crawl space to make his way to the bridge and overpower the alien rather than taking the rather risky escape-pod route I'll never know.
Of course, Berman and Braga make sure that, as the story advances, the princess' clothing and her reserve both retreat. By the time they jettison from the ship, spend a harrowing 24 hours jammed together in a one-person escape pod and crash land on a tropical alien planet with a breathable atmosphere, her hair is down and what's left of her clothing is wet and clinging to her. Better still, she's ready for a little action.
Luckily, the bad guy waits until they are finished before he leaves his ship crewless in orbit and attempts to hunt them down. And, even more luckily, Archer and T'Pol arrive just in time to make a childish, snarky comment about their state of undress.
This episode is an embarrassment. It is on a par with the worst episodes of the third and final season of TOS, if not worse. It is written by juveniles for juveniles and could only serve to alienate the intelligent Star Trek fan base.
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