Episode 31: A Night in Sickbay

Rick Berman and Brannon Braga wrote this episode. I'm not sure I need to say anything more than that for you to know what I'm about to say.

In the course of 42 minutes, B&B manage:

• to write a decon chamber scene where Sato, in her underwear, rubs jelly on T'Pol, in her underwear, who rubs jelly on Archer;
• to write a gym scene where T'Pol, dressed in her skin-tight exercise outfit, runs for several minutes on a treadmill;
• to write a second decon chamber scene where Sato, in her underwear, rubs jelly on T'Pol, in her underwear, who rubs jelly on Archer, in his underwear, which then turns into a sex scene between T'Pol (who gets naked) and Archer after Sato leaves;
• to make Archer look like a childish, immature, aggressive, insensitive bully;
• to make Archer look like an idiot.

And yet, I guess, the episode is supposed to be funny and charming and we're all supposed to walk away thinking, "What a wonderful man Jonathan Archer is, what a great and powerful leader."

Perhaps more amazing, the plot is basically copied from a TNG episode where Picard, while preparing to make a very difficult, very formal presentation to an alien race upon which a great deal depends, is distracted by and trapped in a holodeck program, only to emerge at the very last minute and deliver the presentation perfectly. And that TNG episode, whose name I can't recall, managed to create an entertaining plot without demeaning and sexualising women!!!

In the B&B version, one of Enterprise's five warp plasma injectors is beginning to fail (which is really odd since, in the previous episode, Enterprise was fixed from top to bottom by an evil automated repair station, right down to the creak in the deck plates in Archer's ready room) and, out of an abundance of caution, the ship travels to Kreetassia to obtain a replacement. We met the Kreetassans in "Vox Sola" when Archer managed to insult them by eating in their presence.

The problem is, on this visit to the Kreetassan capital city, Archer has managed to insult the Kreetassans again, this time by permitting Porthos to urinate on a sacred tree outside the meeting rooms. Yes, you read that right, Archer actually thought it wise to bring his dog on a critical away mission that involved sensitive negotiations with easily offended aliens. He is THAT stupid.

Upon their return to Enterprise, Porthos falls ill. The ship's doctor, who has about a million university degrees, is then required to devote his entire attention to saving a beagle. Meanwhile, Sato and T'Pol play maid servant to Archer's various moods, doing their best to act as a buffer ...

I can't write about this seriously. This episode is so stupid and so repulsive that it is not worth watching, not to mention writing about.

Archer is abusive and childish. T'Pol, Sato and Phlox spend the entire episode mothering their immature captain because, you know, that's what women and aliens are for. Sorry, wait, T'Pol alternates between mother and object of sexual desire, mother and lover. If it weren't for the fact that she actually gets a line or two here and there where she tries to call Archer on his irrational and offensive behaviour, she would be a complete write off in this episode.

I guess one could argue that Archer's might just grow throughout his "Night in Sickbay", coming out of the experience with a new respect for the people around him, but it doesn't excuse B&B and their continuing predilection for the celebration of misogyny, aggression and bullying.

Horrible episode. Awful and offensive.