Episode 25: Two Days and Two Nights

Enterprise finally gets to Risa. It goes down hill from there.

Apparently, the entire crew drew lots as to who would get to enjoy two days and two nights on the pleasure planet and, apparently, the 12 winners of that lottery included the Captain, the Chief Engineer, the Chief Tactical Officer, the communications and helm officers. Sounds to me  like the odds were never in the favour of the supporting crew.

Reed and Tucker make the trip just to get laid. Of course, they fail. Mayweather heads to the planet to indulge  his never-before-revealed addiction to rock climbing. Of course, he falls. Archer travels to Risa to get some rest and do some reading. Of course, he falls victim to a Tandaran agent in a bathing suit, conveniently outfitted with a dog friend for Porthos.

Sato endures the mockery of Reed and Tucker for wanting to travel to Risa to flex her linguistic muscles by learning some languages without the aid of the Universal Translator and ends up the only one of the five who actually enjoys her visit (and gets laid in the process).

The teenage-boy plot is not worth writing about. Suffice it to say, the number of shape-shifting races in the Universe is increased by one as Reed and Tucker's lady friends turn out to be a pair of unrecognisable aliens who rob them of their clothes. Amazingly, these shape-shifters are capable of being scantily clad females one minute and fully-uniformed, fully armed males the next. Where they hid their pistols in their female guises I will never know.

With regard to the Tandarans, it seems clear now that Berman and Braga intended them to become another major power with an intelligence agency that is second to none. They never did complete that plan but, anyway... It's impressive that the Tandarans were able to place an appropriately-aged, surgically altered female agent on Risa, in a room right below the one that is assigned to Archer, with a dog for Porthos, complete with knock-out drugs under her finger nails even though Enterprise was thrice delayed on the way to Risa and it was more probable than not (considering the lottery) that Archer wouldn't even be coming to the planet.

Of course, this remarkable agent is so cool with Archer, even turning down his early invitation to dinner, until all of a sudden she breaks down and starts to grill him on the Suliban, giving away the game and forcing her to knock him out with her killer manicure and declare "I can't have you interfering", creating the expectation of an on-going Tandaran plot that never materialises.

This is extremely poor writing, lacking in subtlety and skill. It's like Berman and Braga suddenly realised they were 30 minutes into the episode and needed to move things along. So they have their carefully crafted character change direction completely and become a loser agent.

Sato, meanwhile, proves herself to be a truly remarkable linguist, learning the Risan language (complete with an incredibly vast vocabulary) in a matter of hours. Wowee. Then she meets a handsome man who, though impressed with her abilities, challenges her to learn his incredibly complex language that even his own people can't master. Sato fails linguistically but wins in the field of romance.

Back on Enterprise, Dr. Phlox has decided to take a two-day hibernation, leaving Ensign Cutler in charge of Sick Bay. When Mayweather falls and suffers a nasty reaction to a Risan painkiller, Cutler is out of her depth and they have to wake Phlox. In a hibernation-induced stupor, Phlox manages to save the day, an ongoing scene that is intended to bring big laughs.

"Two Days and Two Nights" is basically a throw-away episode, filled with heterocentrism and homophobia (especially among Tucker and Reed), and contributing nothing much to the ongoing stories of the ship and its crew.